Clinical depression. I call it “being in the fog.” It is a physical thing that wears on your emotions, relationships, spirituality, mentality and on and on.
It has taken me a long time to work up the courage to write this post. I have been pretty absent from social media and my blog since the middle of July of this year. That’s because I have been in the fog. I hate it. It’s embarrassing. It’s frustrating. I want to be the one who encourages others. I want to be the one who helps others…. NOT the one crying to friends and loved ones.
I decided to speak out for a few reasons. There is such a trend out there right now to always be up, up, up…
I’m not saying that it is a bad thing. At times it can be a bit overwhelming though. Yes, I read all kinds of books on being positive. Yes, I memorize scripture on thinking victoriously. Yes, I listen to uplifting music. I am always striving to be better than I am AND YET….
a deep depression has made it into my life.
The eight months leading up to “the fog” had been some of the most productive, happy and focused times I had ever experienced. I had more confidence than I had ever had. The fog came and has left me feeling immobilized, sad and hopeless.
The bottom line for me writing this blog is to let you know…..
Everyone has problems at some time in their life. No one is perfect. Remember, when you see posts and pictures on social media, you are seeing the very best of what people are wanting you to see. Comparison can be a brutal thing. Brutal.
I do love a good quote, and I have even post them myself. BUT, when you read a quote about goals and dreams and you are so depressed that you have to MAKE yourself be in social settings because you just want to stay at home in solitude, it only adds to the feeling of inadequacy. And “your best life is one decision away” seems unreachable when you have to dig deep just to make the decision to get out of bed and face the day.
You have seen lots of encouraging posts on my blog so I realize that these words may come as a surprise to you.
I am being vulnerable and transparent right now. Some of you may lose confidence in me and that’s okay. My prayer is this: those of you reading this right now who are down, discouraged and feel like giving up will find solace in knowing that you are not alone. Please believe that this is only a season. Discouragement and depression are not signs of weakness. It is okay to give yourself a break and take one day at a time. (At least that is what I keep telling myself!)
I am trying to take a breath and believe that I will not always feel this way. I am choosing to believe that God still loves me even when I don’t love myself. The old Christy will be back. Hopefully sooner than later. 🙂