I think I need my own reality show! Are you ready for this? Okay, I promise that the following stories are actual facts and things that have happened to me in the last 24 hours! It’s true.
Yesterday afternoon, I went by to water some plants in the backyard of some vacationing friends. I noticed that the gate was extremely hard to get open but eventually managed to get in. I watered the plants, picked some ripe veggies from their plants, and proceeded to leave. I got to the gate and noticed that there was a handle on it with a key lock. I tried for at least ten minutes to get that sucker open but to no avail! (I honestly don’t know how I got in but managed for it to be locked afterward) I had not taken my phone with me because I still had on my dress from church and had no pocket. Holy moly! I was stuck in the backyard with no way out of the six foot fence! I had no other choice but to climb over! I had a handful of veggies and I did NOT want them to go to waste, so I found a spot under the fence just high enough to push them under to the other side. Next, I decided to just go for it! I had to climb up the gate of the picket fence! There ware a few extra slats on the inside and the gate handle for me to step on with my bejeweled sandals, so up I went! Once I was straddling the top of the gate, I realized that there were no extra slats on the outside for me to climb down! I was in a bit of a pickle with no choice but to just let go. I made it over, picked up my veggies and got out of there before someone called the cops, thinking that I was a veggie thief!!!
That was yesterday….. today, this happened…
I decided to take my dog for a walk this morning. He weighs about fifty pounds and usually is handled by John when we walk. I thought to myself, “If I can scale a fence, by golly, I should be able to handle walking a dog!” After walking for about ten minutes, I decided that the pavement might be too warm on his paws so I decided to turn around and head back home. Just as I was turning, he spied a cat under a parked car in the neighborhood! Oh good golly Miss Molly! Why do cats and dogs hate each other so much? He tried to chase her but didn’t get far because down to the ground I went, while holding on to the leash for dear life so I wouldn’t have to explain to the pet owners why their cat was traumatized!
Picture this… I was laying/sitting in the road, crying for a good five minutes, if not more with my arm flailing about with a crazy dog on a leash! It has been many years since I have sprained my ankle and forgot what excruciating pain it could be. I finally managed to stand up. I hobbled back to my house, doing the ugly-face-snotty-nose-cry while my dog still had his “durdty-durdt” look on his face!
While hobbling along, I noticed that there was someone working in their yard, just two houses down from our little episode. Did he really not see/hear what was happening??? Maybe, maybe not. OR was he laughing and recording the scenario? I don’t know. Anyway…. keep an eye out on YouTube please.
I made it back home, went to the doctor, wrapped it, propped it up and added a bag of frozen gumbo vegetables to it. The culprit of the problem is currently laying beside me and occasionally reaches up and licks the condensation from the bag of vegetables then dozes back off back to sleep!!! Actual facts, people! Actual facts!
Y’all, I can’t make this stuff up!!! My sis just texted me and said “maybe one of the neighbors from yesterday has a security camera outside their house and caught some footage for AFV!”
And… just a minute…. I think I smell something….. oh wait… that’s the gumbo vegetables! Looks like I need a new ice pack!