The Bicycle Escapade

I am in love with vintage bicycles! I have been wanting one for several months. And I have GOT to have one with a basket on the front!  I’m not totally sure why I would need one with a basket on the front, but it is just sooo cute! In my mind, I envision me riding it around, enjoying the outdoors while wearing my new straw hat and aqua blue mirrored sunglasses! Sounds so sweet, right?

So, my husband and I went to Academy earlier this evening to purchase a bicycle.  We carefully looked at each one, then decided upon an aqua blue one with a big, white cushioned seat.  We wrangled it off of the bike holder and onto the floor.  I said, “I really think that this is too tall for me!”  (When you are 5′ 1/2″, most things are!) So, I gave my purse to John to hold while I tried to get on the bike. I mounted the bike and started riding down the aisle! I tried to stop and get off of the bike but it was like slow-motion to me, as I completely crashed into the aisle beside me!  I couldn’t manage to get my legs off in time to stop the fall, as I fell over onto the aisle of merchandise laughing! “Oh dear!” I said, as I quickly jerked my head around to see if anyone had seen me.  All I saw was my husband standing there with big eyes, holding my purse.  I could actually hear his thoughts, “Are you kidding me?” (We’ve been together for 28 years so he shouldn’t be surprised.)

We went to the next bike, a mint green and pale yellow one which was a little smaller and had a basket!  Yay!  It was a much better fit.  I looked at the tag and it said GIRLS bike! Yes, people, I am on my way to turning 50, and I have to have a little girls’ bike. It is what it is.

We continued to look at all of the accessories for bikes and their riders.  John picked up a helmet and put on my head and insisted that I would need to wear one to ride.  What? I am wearing my cute straw hat, not this alien helmet!!! Then, he picked up a pair of black spandex biking shorts and said “here, you should get these to wear while riding.” I took them from him and saw that there is actually a huge pad sewn into the crotch and bootie!*  No, no, no, no, no!!! Is this a diaper? No no no! It was becoming clear to me that his idea of biking and my idea were two totally different things!  I mean, can you see me in all of that stuff? On second thought, please don’t try to picture that. I’ll just say that I’m sorry that I gave you that visual and we will move on.

We talked for a while and decided that maybe I could just revamp one of the kid’s old ones that has been in our garage for umpteen years.  My vision of me in my sundress and straw hat with fresh-cut flowers in my basket, on my vintage bike, was quickly disappearing.  Then, in a sweet and sincere voice, John said, “I bet they sell extra large seats online.”  Ummmkay.  (To be fair, he knows that having a comfortable seat is very important to me!🤣)  I love that man!

I guess we will see how this works out.  But one thing is perfectly clear… there will be no wearing of padded spandex for this girl.  You’re welcome!


P.S. No offense to you awesome serious bikers if you wear these shorts! You look great! Really!👍🏼

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